Chapter XII

Embracing Creativity - Part I

"Trusting our own creativity is a new behavior for many of us. It may feel quite threatening initially not only to us but also to those who we are intimate with. We may feel and look erratic. This erraticism is a normal part of getting unstuck, pulling free from the muck that has blocked us."

- Julia Cameron

"Trusting our own creativity" is about embracing and nurturing our own secret wishes and desires without second guessing, and giving ourselves permission to go on dates with our own artist from within, opening our minds; drawing new limits by exploring our imagination with less fear, less judgment and more support when it comes to dealing with our wounded inner child. Pablo Picasso once said that "every child is an artist, the problem is how to remain an artist once you grow up". Embracing creativity should be something you hold tightly in your arms, taking benefit of this capacity. It should be something that you leap into, only to find out what happens when you confirm the results without any necessary expectations.

Paraphrasing Julia Cameron “trusting our creativity”, which is something different and new from what most of us are used to do in our daily lives, because many of us are not familiar and definitely not used to nurture our own personal needs or desires. In real life people don't mean what they say and they don't say what they mean; being an artist feels almost like celebrating and revealing an old family secret which is meant to remain kept for as long as you're alive. When you start opening yourself to creativity, allowing your intense desire of wondering to kick in, you are already making yourself available to experiment and foster new capabilities by navigating, perhaps even exploring fresh territories, or unburdening new bounds from previously accepted limits. By doing this you are making yourself vulnerable and in the early stages of your creative recovery you may experience some shakiness, perhaps "a misplaced power inside your body or unaccustomed blurts of energy, sharp peaks of anger, joy and grief" and these may feel "quite threatening initially" not only to you, but to your intimate as well, quoting Cameron. Although she encourages us artists in her book “the Artist Way” by ensuring us there is a “recognizable ebb and flow” to this creative recovery where you "may feel and look erratic. This erraticism is a normal part of becoming unstuck, pulling free from the muck that has blocked us". Primarily, "going sane feels just like going crazy" even though from a foreigners perspective it may seem like you are in fact losing your mind or perhaps going crazy, but what you are asked to do is to accept it as it is, and "consciously let yourself experiment it with spiritual open mindedness", Cameron suggests. The first stages of opening yourself to creativity may very much look like rehab, since it might involve taking action upon something that previously used to embarrass us and it may initially feel like you're sharing your diary with about almost everyone around you. This may appear particularly frightening to those of us who are used to care very much about what people think about them, or scary for someone who may have been made to experience some sort of shaming out of a previous social, sexual or spiritual happening. Part of growing up as a human being in our modern world is that we are continuously being prevented by our parents, educators, friends, lovers and by society in general, from behaving in a that embarrasses them and whatever way that may be or take shape upon us - "we are unentitled to feel shame". That embarrassment is often unconscious and remains with us for whatever reason. Carl G. Jung once wrote in his reflections “The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.” Even if made conscious, it takes a good amount of courage and audacity to brake the pattern because we tend to think that our creative dreams elude us, because they are always self-centered and are something internal, so we can dramatically end up supposing not even God would approve of them.

We often think negatively and fearfully about ourselves therefore is not hard to imagine how frightening it may feel initially when you start to actually believe that “it might be a right place” to rely on our creative capacity, which can be manifested in so many ways. Cameron conveys that as a blocked creative you can be easily “manipulated by guilt”, especially by our intimates as they “may feel abandoned by our departure from racks of the blocked" which might make them unconsciously "guilt-trip us into giving up our newly healthy habits". She explains that this only happens because your " blocked friends” may find your recovery of getting unblocked “disturbing” as it may “threaten them by the unsettling possibility that they could too become unblocked and move into authentic creative risks rather than bench sitting cynicism”. You "should not expect your blocked friends to applaud your recovery”, she emphasizes, “That's like expecting your best friends from the bar to celebrate your sobriety. How can they when their own drinking is something they want to hold on to?"