Chapter XII

Tell those bastards

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Bastards are those people who love drama and hate agendas except for their own. When you start to create some space to attend to your creativity, they manage to violate it at any cost with a “thing” or with an “a need” of his/her own necessity, undercutting your schedule. Bastards break your deadlines and destroy your plans; they waste your time, your money, and require your attention at all times. They may act like bedroom rock stars and often expect special support. Whether they appear as your needy friend, your maniac neighbor, your bossy mother, your lunatic boss, your crazy-maker boyfriend, stubborn father or your too overwhelming spouse, they may poison your creative work when they feel that you would fail, because the odds are against you. A bastard will tell you-you're acting crazy when you do something out of standard, and yet he or she is most often what’s making you crazy. Most of the time they reject being called bastards, and they will even set people against one another just to keep their own power game or status going on, and what do you do? You keep on allowing them to abuse you.

We often choose misery over change, until at some point anger kicks in and we know the time has come to act on our behalf. Embrace all that you are, all of the depth, the vastness, never abandon yourself and mainly do not hold yourself in.

Anger is a Voice;

Anger is a map;

Anger shows us where to go, points out the way, not just the finger, therefore you should “Tell those bastards” you are angry and that you are meant to be respected otherwise they will never respect you. Don’t let them discount your reality, bother you on a deadline or destroy your schedule.

The author, artist, poet, playwright, novelist, filmmaker, composer, and journalist Julia B. Cameron, wrote the following in her book The Artist Way: “Sloth, apathy, and despair are enemies. Anger is not; anger is our friend. Not a nice one. Not a gentle one but a very loyal friend. It will always tell us we have been betrayed - It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us that it is time to act in our own best interests. Anger is no action itself. It is actions invitation.” An invitation to stop saying “ it’s ok, when in fact, it is not.”

Do not be afraid and let no one shy you away. Tell those bastards your anger is a sign of health and “your too-muchness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world… Make your waves, fan your flames, give your chills”, here quoting the author Ev’yan Whitney

When anger kicks in, wouldn’t you like to be able to ask what’s going on in that brain of yours? What’s going on biologically? What’s going on cognitively inside you? There are many ways in which one can feel the symptoms and you don’t have to be clinically ill to feel them. It must be no shame to contact those we love and haven’t visited in a long time, perhaps to examine whom you really value and understand what kind of past relationships or patterns you may possess that no longer work for you. “Nothing is sadder than the death of an illusion” here quoting Hungarian-British author and journalist Arthur Koestler, although illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness within. Illusion at its worst, therefore once dissolved casts s a beam into the heart of our own darkness and induces us into paths of PERCEPTION. Emotions emerge from the same pattern and core beliefs not made conscious, that we tend to bottle up over time. All of the sudden this builds up into a tantrum and what you believe to be the cause of your suffering is simply a bunch of momentarily overwhelming emotional feelings and too much influence of the mind brought together into a reaction. Illusion asks you: how dare you? This ends up resembling a vicious cycle of crucifixion, but only if you keep wanting to hold on to being lost in a rainbow which is already gone. Don’t be afraid to love too hard, to feel too deeply, to ask or desire too much. Be authentic and be proud of being loud; of being vibrant, honest, emotional, intense, sensitive, wild, needy or intimidating when you’re feeling angry; as long as you don’t lose track of yourself. Ask to be seen, ask for quality time, ask for respect and to be understood. Make yourself become worthy of being valued for what you are. The sporadic manifestation of anger is an appeal which brings into a process that helps you to understand how you became yourself and how you could perhaps change the way you are telling your story. Comprehension that nothing is beyond fear and shame, therefore you should not let the curtain close without an applause. Now is the time to receive. Ask yourself what you truly value. Being proud of yourself and of the story we tell ourselves about ourselves is what drives us forward. Be crazy enough to re-edit, to interpret, to reinvent and to retell your own story.

In her book The Artist's Way Julia Cameron wrote “when we have engaged the creator to heal us, many changes and shifts in our attitudes begin to occur… In fact, they may seem crazy and even destructive. At best, they will seem eccentric.” Embrace your craziness, seek it, risk it, and take up your space. Expand the desire to encounter yourself better, to become more specific, in both your individuality and in your self-expression. Stop sustaining that quiet false self which broods and thinks a lot. Stop bottling up and making your thoughts secret. Dare to reveal your true feelings and opinions even if they may seem overwhelming. Allow reason and logic to dissolve into an uncomfortable passionate outburst once in a while. For most blocked creatives, feelings are difficult to verbalize because of their strong emotional reactions to most situations, however, anger is, in fact, your BFF; your tough and loyal best friend who tells you that you should let go of: through your deep, powerful, intense feelings, and to simply come out to become the best version of yourself. We should just let it all out because the more you try to ignore them, the more explosive things become when you eventually do express these suppressed parts of yourself.

Quoting Nama Anjum: “Enough of scars now, trust me, those ashes could even create a masterpiece when healed,” which is pretty much what anger tells you: ‘That’s enough!” Don’t let your complex and intense feelings frighten you. Dare to be a crazy one. The price of remaining blocked is far more frightening in the long run! Let your commitment be total. You are not attracted to superficial, casual work or unassuming relationships. Get to the root of issues in order to solve problems. Be willful, make use of your power and do not hold grudges. Be willing to find out what makes people tick and be crazy enough to believe you can change the world. Carve your name into a stone and perhaps ultimately open up new paths for others to follow. With this said, I would like to emphasize this invitation with one of my favorite quotes, so well put by the famous Steve Jobs: “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things — they push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”